quarta-feira, 12 de julho de 2017

just lots of wishes - ainda quarta feira, 12 de julho de 2017

I wish i was born pretty
I wish I was born thin
I wish I was born you

I wish I was born mean

I've just realized I'm afraid of vacations - Quarta-feira, 12 de julho de 2017.

I read that story today
On the blue timeline on the screen
It told me about a couple
That was able to be free

She went to another country                                                                 
The guy, he hasn't cried for that
He made her a soup of
Their sweetest moments
And sent to her in a pack

The feeling was what I want to feel,
But the only thing I know,
About my story, my friends
Is that I will never, never,  know.
I’m like Jon Snow.

I’m afraid to face what I feel,
I’m afraid to discover what I want
Because what I want is not an option
I wish I knew what I want
without any pain

I just wish I could
To be the conductor of my life
But now I’m just
Wishing you to know
What I want (I wish you to replace me).

And that hurts my feelings
To know that
I’m afraid of vacations
Because everytime I came back
People weren’t here anymore

I’m afraid to tell you this
But I wish you were seeing
All this pain inside of me
And you could take care of me

Because I can't
I can't
I can't take care of myself
I never could do that to myself

I'd accept that as a gift
But I’m sorry that it’s something 
You could never give.

Because no one can give
It to anyone
Even our parents. Even God.

I wish you to know about
Those things that 
I'm afraid to know.


I say "I’m so brave when I love"
But I feel like that’s not enough
I wish I knew what it feels like
To think about sex, just about sex.
I feel like a weirdo 
when i'm with horny people.

I wish you looked at me as a different person today
In a good way...
I want to be a full person to you...
Everyone of you...
But I’m not even a full person to myself.

I’m afraid to live with my future traumas
Which hasn’t happened yet
But that just reminds me about 
how I could
Recognise myself in that lake
Even if I were 10.000 miles away.

I know I'll want to go back in there 
from time to time.

But I’m scared I’m scared
That some day… in my life
I'll become… deaf or blind.

Because the blanket
Is here again
And everyday, for a week
 I wish I was
Someone to want that something again
Someone to live for something again
But its suffocating me

The winter used to be when
Something brought depression to someone
To deliver my rejoice
There's only one space
One little peace of honey
Who might bring that sweet rejoice


But now I’m afraid of vacations
And I don't know what to do.